While there’s no longer a stigma to being single, it’s still something that many of us fear. Here’s how to make it work and how to get back on the dating scene when the time is right...

The benefits
Besides having full reign with the TV remote control, there can be plenty of benefits to being single.

During your 20s it’s a rite of passage – a time when you can learn to stand on your own feet, tackling obstacles and working through difficult situations.

It can also provide a vital healing period if you’ve gone through a painful relationship split, helping you to become stronger, self-sufficient and secure.

And it’s certainly preferable to staying trapped in a bad relationship, where your self-esteem is chipped away and you miss out on the chance of meeting someone you could be happy with.

People often stay in bad relationships because they think they need someone else to be happy. But your happiness depends only on you – and it’s only through being on your own that you learn this.

How to make it work

Ditch negative thinking
The fact a relationship failed doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a person. Think of a good relationship as a bonus – not a seal of approval.

Phone a friend
If you live on your own, you need to put in above-average effort at maintaining your social network to avoid feeling lonely and isolated.

Research from Nottingham University shows that those of us with at least 10 good friends are likely to be happier than people with fewer than five. Feeling lonely and isolated is strongly associated with stress and depression.

Choose friends wisely
Those who put you down, dump their problems on you or leave you feeling drained will make you feel worse, not better.

Brush up practical skills
If you’ve just finished being in a long-term relationship, chances are that you had clearly defined roles as a couple – maybe you paid the bills while your partner did the gardening and changed fuses.

So suddenly finding yourself single can be a challenge. Brush up practical skills – do a basic DIY course, it’ll help you to feel more self-sufficient and independent.

Say yes to invitations
It’s easy to get stuck in a comfort zone where you automatically dismiss new opportunities and invitations because “I won’t know anyone” or “it doesn’t sound like my sort of thing”. But you don’t know who you’ll meet, or if you’ll like something, until you try it. Next time you get an invite, be brave and say yes.

Give yourself a break
Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you have to forego a holiday. Even if your friends aren’t available, there’s no need to sit, Shirley Valentine-style, at your hotel restaurant every night. Plenty of holiday companies organise group breaks for single people with a common interest or who simply want to go on holiday – no dating required. So if you have a little spare cash, surf for them on the internet.

Make your home comfortable
Indulge your tastes and enjoy the fact that you can decorate in your own style, and in your favourite colours, without having to consult anyone else.

Get professional help
If you have problems getting over a break-up or you have a history of disastrous relationships, consider counselling to help you to understand what’s going wrong and get to grips with any underlying issues you may have.

Try relationship counselling-organisation Relate at www.relate.org.uk

5 STEPS TO GET BACK INTO THE GAME
(1) Get over rejection: Fear of being rejected can make you put up subconscious barriers to possible relationships to protect yourself from being hurt. But it’s also highly likely to get in the way of your happiness. Rejection happens to everyone – it’s a part of life – so accept it, put it down to experience and move on.

(2) Forget about Mr Right: There’s no such thing and dismissing possible partners because they don’t conform to an ideal wish list is narrow-minded and unrealistic. Look for love instead and you’ll get better results.

(3) Write down 10 things you like about yourself and repeat them out loud daily. The more confident you feel, the more natural and attractive you’ll be to others.

(4) Be active: Maybe you’ve always liked the idea of joining a running club or learning to sing but never got round to it. It’s an excellent way to meet people you have something in common with.

(5) Practise flirting: Keep it subtle and you’ll give off the right vibes without looking desperate. Here’s how:

• Make eye contact for slightly longer than you would normally. It shows you’re focusing on the other person, which is very flattering to them.
• Smile! It sounds obvious but it instantly puts people at ease. It also makes you look friendly, confident and approachable, and almost always results in a smile back.
• Ask open-ended questions rather than those that may just require a yes or no answer. This will help you learn more about the person – but remember to pay attention to the answers.
• Be tactile – but don’t overdo it. Just a few light touches of a non-sexual area, such as the arm, can up the feeling of intimacy.
• Pay a compliment but be sincere.
• Be aware of turn-offs. Research shows that the top turn-offs are constant moaning and complaining, talking about yourself too much, talking only about superficial things, a general lack of enthusiasm and being overly serious or overly excitable.

Source: Daily Mirror

Pic: djones76