Diary of a supermum: Jealousy pangs

The moment she sees me give that love and attention to another baby, even if it is her own little baby cousin brother, she cannot take it

By Suneeta rao

From the time Maya was born, I have given her my undivided attention and love. Of course I would. I am her mother. And she is my first-born. Probably the only one I will ever have. And I have waited for her for so long. So naturally, the moment she sees me give that love and attention to another baby, even if it is her own little baby cousin brother, she cannot take it.

My brother was visiting with his six month old baby boy. I was seeing the baby for the first time, and as I have mentioned before, I am very close to my siblings – so he was obviously the subject of my attention. But all I had to do was just pet him on the head or carry him, and Maya would come rushing to me saying, “You’re MY Mama!”. Or she would plead in her softest tone, “Please, Mama – can I have you?” I have to admit it was the warmest, fuzziest feeling I have ever had. Even though it would break my heart, I quite enjoyed the feeling of being wanted so much by my little angel – not that I needed any reminding! Nevertheless, I had to do something I about this – it was not healthy for any of us. The child is at the stage where these feelings are only natural, but she has to be made to understand that even other children can be loved, and that does not take away from the love she has.

I decided to take it upon myself to tackle this immediately, but gently – since my brother and family were going to be here only for a few days. So whenever I was alone with Maya, I would explain how much I loved her, how much I loved my brother, and so his son was like her brother, and that he will also love her very much! That’s a lot of love, I know, but I firmly believe there is no such thing as too much love!! She listened carefully to what I had to say, and when I asked if she loved her cousin brother, she thought about it for a bit, and gently nodded her head! She even went on to explain that she was her Mama’s “jaan” and that Ahan was his Mama’s “jaan”, and thus ensued a long session of questions and answers about relationships - who is who’s brother and sister and aunty and uncle, and both of us really crossed a milestone right there. The next time we visited, she even offered to feed the baby, and I was actually able to hold him in my lap while she played with him.

This was a huge step for her – but I still had to be very careful about making sure she got an equal share of the attention from the family and me, so that she would truly understand and be happy with the fact that she is not the only person in the world who deserves to be loved. I think this is one of the most important lessons anyone can learn – there are a lot of people in this world who are still trying to come to terms with it!