Caring for a newborn is a pretty thankless job. Life is all about feeding, peeing and shitting. My baby did not respond to me, my touch or my voice forget acknowledge my presence. Whether I rocked her to sleep or my bai, it made no difference to her. In fact if you must know, she cried much lesser in my bai’s arms than in mine.

With her limbs in a limbo, my newborn baby used to sleep all the time when she wasn’t crying for milk or a nappy change. My maternal instincts were also buried somewhere deep under – which mother would wish that her infant should keep sleeping so that she legitimately gets absolved of the task of feeding and changing her baby.

If you have not breastfed, you may wonder why new mothers fret about incessantly feeding their babies. I was mentally prepared for it to be physically exhausting but not actually painful! Female breasts--modest symbols of sensuality, seduction, blah blah just become feeding objects, exposed to everyone’s perusal (right from doctors to nurses to your family members, dais and just about everybody) especially in an hospital setting.

Lying on the bed, with my infant painfully suckling on to me I wonder why such a big deal is made out of these two parts of the human anatomy... silicon implants, wonder bras, et al seemed part of an unreal world. No wonder WHO has to scare mothers into the act, by forcefully putting the point across that if you dare not give your anti-bodies rich milk to your baby you and only you are to be blamed for the consequences. Well saying that you ‘exclusively breastfeed your child for six months as it reduces child mortality and has health benefits that extend into adulthood’ is almost the same thing. If this is not emotional blackmail, what is?

Nursing an infant, I understood the depth behind the proverb – crying baby gets the milk … I mean if my baby wouldn’t be howling her guts out, I would perhaps (read definitely) be tempted to give the feeding session a miss. Of course in all this, there are moments of immense satisfaction. Like when I saw my baby gaining weight, I think I experienced a state of elation a farmer would feel watching the seeds he plowed with his khoon pasina sprouting in the fields.

I thought I would never get entry into the official motherhood club, till one day I had a funny warm feeling. Why? My 15-day-old baby smiled at me. She actually fixed her gaze on me for good 20 seconds (achievement no 1), clasped my finger (achievement no 2) and then smiled (achievement no 3). That was the very first time I was bitten by the motherhood bug.

Pic: miguel ugalde