6-12 age group: In this age group, kids are aware yet very curious and inquisitive. They have complete faith and trust in what their parents say and do not challenge what is spoken. Says Nutan Raj, a resident of Wadala and a parent of a 13-year-old, “Being a parent of a kid belonging to 6 to 12 years of age is most challenging as during this time the child is still forming opinions and trusts you for everything. A child does not understand etiquette and concepts like how we need to react to different situations differently. At this stage they also begin questioning about difficult to understand subjects like God.”

Dr Yusuf Matcheswalla, a psychiatrist says, “In this age group, kids are forming good and bad behavioural traits through the reinforcement and reactions they get from adults, particularly parents. For kids, parents are their heroes in every sense. If the relation is healthy, the child will also confide entirely in their parents and will look for guidance and help for everything in their parents.”

13-18: in this age group, the child starts facing typical teenage problems. Sometimes he / she is childlike and sometimes expects to be treated as an adult. So the child is a little confused during this age. Also, attraction to opposite sex begins to occur during this age. So parents should be available as a support system. Says Dr Matcheswalla, “Kids also face a lot of exam and career related stress, and mood disorders in this age group. Kids during this time are sexually mature but emotionally aren’t. Though the child is more or less disciplined during these ages, the fact that they are slightly more depression-prone makes it a difficult age to handle. Also kids might take to smoking, excessive net or porn watching at these ages, so parents need to handle that.”

Says Shashi Shyamal, a resident of Versova, “When my child was 18, he would often say parents don’t care. We often argued that you have the best mobile and bike and you say we don’t care. Kids need time and attention and the feeling that we trust them.”

18-21: Says Dr Varkha Chulani, a leading psychiatrist, “In this age group, kids are more or less settled. They have already made their career choices and are more or less happy. They have friends and are happy in other’s company. A problem can arise only when they are not happy with their career choice and are disgruntled with their parents for forcing them to choose a particular career. The way to deal with this is to befriend and show respect in the choices your child has made. Respect them as an individual and they will respect you back.”

Above 21: Says Dr Varkha, “During this age, kids have already fallen in love and relationships and further studies is what remains in their mind. Letting kids fail and stand up once again is what parents should do at this age.”

Says Dr Matcheswalla, “During this age parents should not tell their children, ‘Look, I did this for you and now it is your turn to reciprocate.’ Instead making them and yourself self-reliant is the key.”

The challenge that every parent faces is being able to change the way they communicate with their children as they grow up. If you can understand what your child needs at different ages in life, it will easier to maintain healthy communication and a healthy relationship with him / her.

Pic: tim & annette