After weathering allegations of Lenny cheating years ago, their marriage seemed bullet-proof, which makes it even more surprising that Dawn, 52, and Lenny, 51, have decided to split now. But experts say that divorce among middle aged couples, whose friends see as partners for life, is all too common.

Statistics show that the average age for both men and women divorcing is in their 40s and this is a trend which is expected to grow. Once couples have brought up their children together – Dawn and Lenny’s adopted daughter Billie is now 18 – they realise they both now want something different. “It is often a life stage thing – especially if you have children – to want to move on from your relationship if all is not well,” says Christine Northam, an experienced counsellor with relationship group Relate.

Christine says that many of the couples who seek help from Relate come to the sad conclusion that they simply don’t want to be together any longer. Often there’s been a slow realisation that they have both changed and grown apart over the years. And it’s only when their children are older and more responsible for themselves that they realise it.

“Couples often disguise the problems in a relationship with the hustle and bustle of running a family. They’re preoccupied with the kids and not so focused on the other one in the relationship. “I always say to couples that the best thing you can give your children is for them to see a happy, working relationship which is stable and long lasting. And so you need to nip any relationship problems in the bud. Don’t let them fester away.

“I think it is very, very important that couples give priority to their own relationship rather than just their children. Couples need to be investing in their relationship and keeping it alive as much as possible. “Sometimes that means the kids have to take a back seat and I think in our child-focused society, we tend to find that really difficult. In a lot of my cases, the couples are more married to the children than to each other.

“Couples need to ensure their relationship is a strong one and that keeps the whole family together. Carving out time and making your relationship a priority is important.”

But sometimes relationships cannot be saved and when that happens it’s time to be brave and move on. Although it may seem daunting for someone who has shared their life with another person for decades, and now they are considerably older than when they were last single, it can be seen as a fresh new start.

“Nowadays it’s not nearly so dramatic to be on your own at 50, because 50-year-olds today are usually healthier and wealthier than in the past,” says Christine. “And there are many other single people around who are the same age and in the same boat. It is the fastest rising age group in divorce statistics.

“If you’re fit and active, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t go out and have a good time. It’s all about confidence and if for 25 years you have been in the same place, then anything which will change that is nerve-racking. “It’s particularly frightening being on your own so you need to take your life in your hands and make sure you get plenty of support around you.”

A mature and amicable approach to dealing with the aftermath of ending a long marriage or relationship – which Dawn and Lenny have vowed to do – is key, says Christine. “The feelings of any children should be the priority. Taking a calm and non-confrontational approach to dealing with the relationship, even if you do feel anger or hurt, is the way forward.”

“A lot of couples live in what I call the ‘grey area’ where they’re not happy, but feel they have to stay together because they can’t afford, or have the confidence, to separate,” says Lindsey, who has two grown-up children. “It’s a very dangerous time for couples when the children are off their hands and they find themselves together on their own more. They might look at each other and find they no longer have any common ground.

“But if they do decide it’s time to move on, they need to look on the positives of this time in their life. It is a chance to reassess their life and look at what they really want. I write about how the woman needs to put herself at the centre of her life. Before she had a number of other roles like mum, wife and housekeeper and her own needs were edged out.

“Finding yourself suddenly single will be hard as it will be so different from the life you and your husband or partner shared for so many years. But it’s also a second chance and the opportunity to get more out of life and find out what you really want to do.”

Lindsey Agness’s latest book, Still 25 Inside (Rodale) is published on May 7.

How to move on

● Accept the relationship is over and don’t rely on your ex for emotional support – seek it elsewhere.

● Find things you want to do in your free time – maybe a new pastime or an old sport you haven’t done in years.

● Tell friends so they don’t feel awkward or obliged to take sides.

● Talk to your ex about how you will arrange events involving your kids.

● Find things you want to do such as holidays or eating out and ask friends or family to come. That way you won’t feel so consciously not a couple.

● Have something to look forward to.

● Do something you’d never have been able to do with your partner – like watch a chick-flick at the cinema.

● Keep busy so you don’t have an empty diary.

● Track down old friends.

● Book a singles holiday somewhere you’ve always wanted to go to.

● Reassess who’s really important to you, and make time for them.

● Make lots of “me” time – maybe have a new hair style, lose weight or update your wardrobe.

● Keep telling yourself it is a new start and enjoy putting yourself first!

Source: Daily Mirror